How much do you long for God’s presence? ｜ Exodus 33

If you have been to church for some time, chances are you might know the praise and worship song “As the deer”. The song's first two lines are taken from Psalm 42:1 (NLT), “As the deer longs for streams of water, so my soul longs for you, O God.” 

For years I sang this song without truly trying to picture what it is like to long for God. But the psalmist was speaking with real urgency, as revealed by the next verse. “I thirst for God, for the living God; when can I go and stand before Him?” (Ps 42:2). There is a true longing, a thirst to be in the presence of God, a desire so deep that left me wondering if I have ever thirsted for the living God. Because if anyone is to ask, “Would you want to be in the presence of God?” The answer for most believers would likely be “yes.” But have we ever thirsted for God, the way a deer pants for water in the unforgiving heat of a summer day? What does longing for God’s presence look like?

When God’s presence is not a given

In Exodus 33, we are given an example when Moses pleaded for God’s presence with the same urgency seen in Psalm 42. Exodus 33 presents a critical point in Moses’ and the Israelites’ journey in the wilderness, because for the first time since their departure from Egypt, God told Moses that He would not go with them to the promised land. The promised land would still be granted to them, and God would still send an angel before them and drive out all their enemies, but God would not be in their midst. A breaking point had been reached, one that caused God to conclude, “But I will not go up among you, lest I consume you on the way, for you are a stiff-necked people” (Ex 33:3, ESV).

It was a twist no one saw coming because God had been so tolerant through all their grumblings ever since they left Egypt. But a line had been crossed when they blatantly violated God’s command with the infamous golden calf incident, as recorded in Exodus 32, the preceding chapter.

Prior to this incident, Moses and the Israelites were at the climax of their journey through the wilderness. God, in all His glory and majesty, had somehow descended on Mount Sinai to be with His people, to personally talk to them and give them His laws. Everyone heard God answering Moses in thunder; everyone saw God descending on Mount Sinai in fire (Ex 19:18-19). It was the physical manifestation to show everyone that He is the Lord, so that they would learn to fear God and worship Him alone. 

Yet when Moses went up the mountain for 40 days to receive God’s commandments and ordinances, the people grew impatient. They gathered around Aaron and said, “Come, make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don’t know what has happened to him” (Ex 32:1). So they made a golden calf, with the help of Aaron, while God was still in their midst on Mount Sinai.

Despite all the ways God had delivered them, provided for them, guided them, and protected them, despite seeing and hearing God’s presence with their own eyes and ears, they were ready to pursue a tangible, manageable “god” at the first sign of doubt and uncertainty. They wanted a god whom they could fashion and manipulate to their liking, instead of one who commands loyalty and makes them tremble with awe and fear.

The Israelites have indeed proven themselves to be a stiff-necked people, but God is a holy God. God’s anger will always burn in the face of sin, idolatry, and unfaithfulness, because they are by nature abominable, vile, and hurtful. It is fully in God’s power and authority to destroy all unrighteousness as the Maker and Lord of all heaven and earth, and God has every right to punish the Israelites because of the covenant that was made. “Then the Lord sent a plague on the people, because they made the calf, the one that Aaron made” (Ex 32:35, ESV).

 Sometimes I think we never fully understand how much our sinfulness angers God, and how much God has restrained His righteous wrath because of His love. It is undoubtedly unsettling and terrifying to come face to face with God’s holiness, but what is also clear from the passage is how much God doesn’t want to destroy His people. That is why after the golden calf incident, God said He would no longer go up to the promised land with them, “lest I consume you on the way” (Ex 33:3).

God does not enjoy seeing people suffer from His wrath, because what He really wants is to bless His people, to be in their midst, to teach them about holiness, and to guide them to the promised land. But the dilemma is real—how do you resolve the righteous wrath of a holy God that comes with a persistently sinful, disobedient people?

The choice to be with God, or not

When human’s sinful nature and God’s holiness are laid out side-by-side in the open like this, we are left to wonder, how should one move forward? Should Moses and the Israelites abandon the journey and return to Egypt, and shun the presence of a holy God? Or are they going to charge forward to the promised land, being content with God’s blessings and the angel He will send, but not God Himself in their midst?

This is a moment when Moses could react in many different ways. He could get angry at God and the people, because indeed, Moses was now stuck between a holy God and a stiff-necked people with the impossible task of having to lead them on his own. He could “quit this job” and walk away from God’s calling.

But Moses reacted in an almost unexpected way. He did not complain; He did not get angry. What we have, rather, is Moses drawing even closer to God, clinging to God even tighter, pleading for God’s presence with a newfound urgency.

In Moses’ tent of meeting where the Lord would come down to speak with Moses face to face, this is what Moses said to the Lord, “You have been telling me, ‘Lead these people,’ but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, ‘I know you by name and you have found favor with me.’ If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people.”  (Ex 33:12-13)

Moses was not backing away from his calling, but the golden calf incident also showed him that this was not something he could handle on his own. He desperately needed God’s presence with him and with the people, because the only way for them to succeed on this mission was God Himself. He could not have led unless God was with him, nor will they be able to drive out the Canaanites without God’s presence.

Therefore Moses said, “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?” (Ex 33:15-16). Moses understood that their identity and the likelihood of them conquering the promised land hinged not on the size of their army or their military prowess, but on the presence of the almighty God.

Thus even though they had witnessed the righteous wrath of God, even if the stiff-necked people may provoke God again and again with their sinfulness, they needed God in their midst because there was no other way to continue this journey. So Moses pleaded with earnest urgency. He appealed to God’s compassion and love, reminding Him that it was God who called him on this journey, and that this nation, though stiff-necked and rebellious, is God’s people. Moses knew that the Lord’s anger may last a moment, but His favor lasts a lifetime (Ps 30:5), for our God is a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness (Ex 34:6).

A heart that truly longs for God

But in Moses’ plea are something else that is often missing in our prayers for God’s presence: he asked God to teach him His ways so he may know God and continue to find favor with Him, and he asked God to show him His glory (Ex 33:13,18).

More than anything, Moses wanted to know God for who He is, in all His glory, majesty, and holiness, so that He could revere Him, obey Him, and follow Him by living a life that is pleasing to Him. He no longer wanted sin, or ignorance about the things that offend God, to get in the way of his relationship with Him, because what Moses truly treasured was God’s presence. More than the blessing God could give and the success God could help achieve, the golden calf incident helped Moses see the one thing that mattered—God Himself.

That is why even if God is gracious and Moses can appeal to His mercy whenever he falls, what Moses wanted was to take the initiative in finding favor with God. It is a heart that longs so much for God’s presence that he was willing to proactively seek, to learn, to try and submit.

And that is the heart God saw from Moses. Therefore to Moses’ requests for God’s presence, God replied, “I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name” (Ex 33:17). Not only that, but God showed Moses His glory, His goodness, His sovereignty, meanwhile protecting Moses by hiding him in the rock and covering him with His hand, for no one can see God and live (Ex 33:19-22).

God was so pleased to answer Moses’ requests, so pleased to reveal Himself and show him His goodness and glory, because He saw a heart that truly loves Him and longs for Himself more than His blessings. A heart that longs to fellowship with God for who He is, so much so that Moses was willing to make the necessary steps to find His favor.

Have you ever longed for the presence of God? Have you any inkling of how parched you have been in His absence? Sometimes we are so used to tackling life without Him that we do not realize how much we need God Himself on our journeys, and it takes a golden calf incident, a setback, and an encounter with God’s holiness to show us how desperately we need God.

Sometimes, however, misconceptions about God can also make it difficult for us to truly seek Him in our lives. We can be crippled by a fear that our holy God would find us unacceptable, thereby causing us to shy away from Him. We may also wrongly assume that because Jesus has died for us, our sins stop being abominable to God, and how we live and carry ourselves doesn’t matter.  

But God is holy and loving. He called us to be holy because He is holy, yet He also knows our struggles, our weaknesses, and our battles with sins. This is why He has provided all the help we need. He sent us Jesus Christ so that through His blood, we can always come before God and draw near to Him, and He gave us the Holy Spirit so that through His strength, we, too, can be holy. God knows how to help us navigate His love and holiness, because He knows us. May Moses’ example reminds us that God sees and recognizes a heart that truly wants to know Him, follow Him, and please Him. As we abide in Him, and Him in us, we will be nourished anew by the presence of our living God.

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